either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
