@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
