we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
