she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
