He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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