Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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