Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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