were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Never underestimate the power of titties
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
