just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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