Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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