i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
