She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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