Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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