So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
