my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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