I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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