the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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