Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Damn victory sex feels great
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...