I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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