god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
