This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize