I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
