We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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