I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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