I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
