no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize