Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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