Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
