i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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