Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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