my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh god it's open bar.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
