College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
