i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
