Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
