3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
