I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
