Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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