So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
