puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
