were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
