3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
