her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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