Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
