I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize