My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize