It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
