i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
