she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
