paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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