i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
