I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
