Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
