i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
