Im at strip club and am horny
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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