I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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