So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
