OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My feet surprised me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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