What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
