So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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