4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
