I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
