good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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