from now on my penis is your penis
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
