theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
