Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
