things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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