I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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