I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
