If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
